☁️ 🌧️ 💧 ☁️ 🤍 💧

I am really just so sorry

YES YOU, Kashish 🦋

im still not very good at expressing myself, But I want to still do my best for the mistake I committed which I deeply regret. 😞 And inko iss tone me padhna jisme me bolunga jab me apne ghutno par baitha hu aapke samne.

neeche jaake dekhiye mene sab bataya h ↓

✦ 01 · the very honest acceptance of my mistake part ✦

here's exactly what I did and I take the responsibility

no buttering up, no baatein ghumana, I'll borrow some courage from you to say this out loud and clear about my mistake which I PROMISE I will never repeat EVER no matter what, and no this isn't because I want anything, I want to eliminate my toxic patterns for you. Im really afraid of hurting you.

— the part i can't take back —

I thought it would be a great idea to tease you at 1.30Am and spoiler, It WASN'T, It is a toxic pattern of mine which I noticed and I really wanna thank you aswell that you're already helping me become a better person and drop my buri baatein, And yes, me Puure hosh-o-hawa me ye baat puuri tarah se manta hu ki han me Galat tha aur me sudharna chahta hu.

then when I was momentarily believing ki me aapko aise he tease kar lunga that was the worse part, I realised woh tease karna nahi, irritate karna h.

Me ye nahi kahunga ki me bas mazak kar rha tha bas aur mera usme koi intention nahi tha, if mere mazak se jo insan mere liye iss samay sause jyada importance hold karta, YOU, MERA SABSE PASANDIDA INSAN, toh woh mazak mujhe chhorne me koi dikkat nahi, I understand ab ache se ki aapko schme bura lga hoga. Mera perspective bohot narrow ho rakha tha uss samay.

no "but" no "u also" no "i didn't mean it"

i was wrong. fully. that's the whole sentence, and I regret it deeply.

✦ 02 · your side of it ✦

i think it felt like this

the things u typed out and deleted. i've been imagining them all week.

Kashish ka mind 🦋 (probably)

drafts u never sent

Even if you didn't try to make me feel inferior, what was the point of that even? kya ho jayega usse

Tum ladko ko lagta h ki tum mazak me kuch bhi bol doge aur fir bhul jaoge bas

Magar yahi mazak kisi kisi ko bohot bure lag sakte h

kya ye samajhna bohot mushkil h tere liye?

mene bohot socha iss baare me, ye saari baatein valid h ekdum.

i'm not guessing to look sweet ~ i'm guessing because i finally sat down and thought about u instead of me or keeping the so called ego. Kashish, mere liye aap matter karte ho more than anything else.

✦ 03 · not just words ✦

what actually changes

tap each one to hold me to it (I'll follow shiddat se). sorry without this part is just noise ~

when you’re telling me something, i’ll listen to understand and respond dhang se, not listen fir uske baad "sone jara" type shit, Accha baccha banke rahunga

I will not act like your English professor, I will be a good Boy.

I’ll remember that being technically right isn’t worth making you feel embarrassed or annoyed at all.

I will make sure you feel comfortable being yourself and not worry about a thing.

If I ever slip up and do it again, fir mera block hona pakka h and me kuch nahi bolunga. It's my word, Im known for keeping my word.

I’ll stop making and treating every tiny mistake like a problem that needs fixing

I will make sure that NONE of my sorry's are just words.

I won't say No ever to you (I mean it)

0 ticked ~ take ur time, read them properly first

✦ 04 · the weather between us ✦

help me clear it ☁️

i can't move this one on my own. push the cloud, warna tabiyet kharab ho jayegi, Helpppp

☀️

☁️

👆 Tap karke bhagaado

it's been grey like this for quite a while. i know i'm the reason.

✦ 05 · what i'm asking for ✦

this. this is the us I want to end up as

u laughing at something i said 🥹

nothing special. that's the point.

when talking to me was easy ✦

this one lives on my lockscreen 🤍

✦ 06 · the long version ✦

p.s. the whole thing

since i had u all the way down here ~

Hey Kash, the loveliest and the prettiest butterfly lady,

I've been carrying this around since it happened.

not in the dramatic way, in the quiet way, where i keep replaying the exact second i could've chosen better and didn't, but chose to be an idiot instead.

here's the thing i actually want u to know:

I'm not sorry because you are upset with me. I'd be sorry even if aapne mereko uss smy maf kar diya hota, mereko aapka shaant rehna bohot khalta h, especially jab me uss cheez ka reason hu khudse.

I'm sorry because i made the loveliest person in my life feel bad, and that's not a small thing to me.

You don't owe me a reply today. or tomorrow. u don't owe me anything or "it's okay" just to make the air normal again.

Take however long u need (jyada time mat lena please, mereko bechaini hoti bohot, aaj gym me bhi mann nhi lga) I'll be right here, being better in the meantime, not just promising it, but meaning it completely aur puure dil se.

And when you're ready, I'd really love to hug u about it (mentally)

I am really sorry. I really love u. Both of these are truth.

me, shiddat se yours

(this page stays up forever, so does the promises I made.)