☁️ 🌧️ 💧 ☁️ 🤍 💧

i am really so sorry

— yes u, parivaar sahiba 🤍 —

i'm not good at saying this out loud. so i built u somewhere quiet to hear it ~ take ur time with it. 🤍

it gets warmer further down ↓

✦ 01 · the honest part ✦

here's exactly what i did

no softer words for it. no spinning it. u deserve to hear me say it plainly first.

— the part i can't take back —

i said something i knew would hurt u, and i said it anyway because i was so much into that mischief more than i wanted u to feel okay.

then after apologizing, i went quiet for a day and let u sit in it alone.that was the worse part.

i'm not going to tell u that it wasn't a big deal or anything as such because ikk it was my mistake and it was all you had asked me not to do but eventually, I did it

no "but" no "u also" no "i didn't mean it"

i was wrong. fully. that's the whole sentence ~

✦ 02 · your side of it ✦

i think it felt like this

the things u typed out and deleted. i've been imagining them all week.

u, probably 🤍

drafts u never sent

i wasn't even asking for much. i just wanted her not to say that thing and make fun of it

that so called masti hurt more than the actual fight did

I tried explaining myself but there was no outcome

i'm not even angry anymore. i'm just tired.

i heard all of it. even the ones u never sent. 🤍

i'm not guessing to look sweet ~ i'm guessing because i finally sat down and thought about u instead of me.

✦ 03 · not just words ✦

what actually changes

tap each one to hold me to it. sorry without this part is just noise ~

no more walking away mid-conversation. i'll say "i need a minute" out loud instead.

when u tell me something hurt, my first sentence will be "u're right", not "well actually".

no more 2-day silences. worst case i text u "i'm still upset but i'm here."

i'll bring it up first next time. u won't have to be the one who always starts the hard talk.

and if i slip ~ u can point at this exact page and i'll shut up and fix it.

no bringing up old fights to win a new one. that stops today.

I'll make sure I do nothing ahead now onwards that hurts you (as i always do but I'll try my bestest to do everything for you that I can)

i'll ask how u're doing about it a week later too, not just on the day i apologise.

0 ticked ~ take ur time, read them properly first

✦ 04 · the weather between us ✦

help me clear it ☁️

i can't move this one on my own. push the cloud ~ three times should do it.

☀️

☁️

👆 tap the cloud

it's been grey like this for days. i know i'm the reason.

✦ 05 · what i'm asking for ✦

this. this is the us i want back

i went looking through our photos last night. watch the colour come back into them ~

u laughing at something i said 🥹

nothing special. that's the point.

when talking to me was easy ✦

this one lives on my lockscreen 🤍

i'm not asking u to pretend this week didn't happen ~ i'm asking for a shot at getting us back here, slowly, properly.

✦ 06 · the long version ✦

p.s. the whole thing

since i had u all the way down here ~

hey u 🤍,

i've been carrying this around since it happened.

ikk I've done something terribly wrong

here's the thing i actually want u to know:

i'm not sorry because u're upset with me. i'd be sorry even if u'd forgiven me on the spot because yaar if genuinely didn't want to do it but here am I, already hurt you again...

i'm sorry because i made the closest person in my life, my soul friend (i think maine yeh term ragebait karne ke liye kaha but nvm😏) feel unsafe for once again. and that's not a small thing to me.

u don't owe me a reply today. or tomorrow. u don't owe me a "it's okay" just to make the air normal again.

take however long u need ~ i'll be right here, being better in the meantime, not just promising it.

and when u're ready, i'd really love to hug u about it. (still not a hugger)

i am sorry. i still hate u. both of those are true at once.

— me, still your machine shah ✦

(this page stays up. so does the promise.)